


Eyes Wide Open

by flyingcrane



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Sawada Nana, Family Secrets, Gen, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Premonitions, but you will suffer, im so sorry my sweet tuna fish, young guardians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-03-01 16:18:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13298592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingcrane/pseuds/flyingcrane
Summary: Tsuna starts having them when he's too young to understand what they are, but he knows with tears burning in his eyes and mind stretched too thin that if these visions don't kill him first, the strange baby-hitman he sees in his dreams surely will.





	1. Chapter 1

Tsuna starts having them when he’s too young to know what they are.  

He remembers his father coming home after a six-month absence, one year after meeting a supposed grandfather whose hands felt like a warm fire. He remembers being confused at first because by then he’d begun forgetting who the blond man with a loud laugh was entirely, but that’s not important. For the entire week the blond mad had stayed, Tsuna had had nothing but nightmares. There weren’t vivid like they would be when he’s older, only glimpses of darkness and impressions of cruelty, but they were enough to put little seven year old Tsuna into hysterics.

Iemitsu had been grave but reassuring, standing near like a silent protector has Nana rocked their special little boy back to a reluctant, fitful sleep. He’d made phone call after phone call that seemed to do nothing but frustrate him, and then he’d left for another ‘business trip’ three days earlier than planned once Tsuna had recovered, but in the end Tsuna had been too strung out to feel the absence of a man he barely knew.  


Nana had been worried about (heartbroken for) her son, of course, what mother wouldn’t be? But it wouldn’t be until Tsuna was older that he would understand why she hadn’t called a therapist on that first week _they_ appeared, when he’d woken up screaming about the end of the world. 

He was special, she’d said.  

It’d taken a few dozen more of those waking nightmares and several predetermined events for Tsuna to realize why she’d looked so sad when she’d said it.

They were called sights.  

It was a gift passed down by her family, his mother had explained much, much later, smile wavering with the effort to hold back tears. A gift that let him see _more_ than the rest of the world, things he could influence if so inclined, the ability to peer into someone’s life for a brief moment whether it be for better or worse. A gift of fate, given to their family generations ago.  

Vaguely, in the back of Tsuna’s young mind, he’d recognized that his mother didn’t view the sight as a gift as her forbearers had, and at the tender age of nine, mind stretched too thin and eyes burning with tears, he'd had to agree.

She’d lost the gift when Tsuna was born and had believed maybe it had just disappeared instead of being passed down to him – her mother had been very private about her experiences beyond helping Nana when her gift began to blossom as a child, younger than Tsuna but not as all-consuming. His mothers’ sights never reached very far into his future, stopping just short of his sixth birthday in most cases–  

(and if they did ever reach farther, if she’d ever had fuzzy dreams of a strong young man with fierce amber eyes like fire and blood blooming around him, she didn’t say)  

–and she'd naively prayed that the sights had finally stopped cursing her family.  

 _“It’s in your blood, Tsu-kun,” she’d say, a choked laugh or sob caught in the back of her throat as she held him during another sight, one that was too real and too dark to have ever let_ her _make it through life completely sane._  

_The bone deep ache in his small body told him it was truer than he could imagine._

_Her_ sights were like flashes of light, constant streams of images, still life’s that swept by too fast to comprehend but crystal clear and stuck in her mind. It seemed that Tsuna wasn’t as lucky though, plagued with nightmares and sickening feelings of déjà vu – like he was there, fast forwarding through time and then being wrenched back to where he began, could feel the blood pounding in his head and hear voices press in on him. They were always short, no more than a few minutes whereas his mothers could last ten, but they were intense and often too much for him to handle. His sights were different, stronger, distinct, just _different_. He could tell even without her saying so just by the purse of her lips and the lines that appear around her eyes decades too early. 

_“You can’t tell anyone, okay Tsu-kun? People aren’t supposed to know about their future or they might try to change it.”_

_“But why? Can’t we help people?”_

_Nana couldn’t stop the helpless smile that blossomed, pride warming her chest at her sweet son’s words. “You’re such a good boy, Tsu-kun. Yes, sometimes you can help, but you can’t stop what happens in your sights. If something happens, good or... or bad, it’s not up to you to stop it.”_

_“Does papa know? About the sights?”_

_Her eyes would shutter, like the mention of the love of her life also caused her immeasurable pain. It probably did, but Tsuna wouldn’t understand that either until he did the same to someone he loved._

_(soon, soon)_  

_“No…no, he doesn’t.”_

_(Secrets, secrets, they all had secrets.)_

_“Is it because he has a gun and wears suits and stuff? Like the, um, FBI?”_

_He’d had sights of his father multiple times despite rarely seeing him in person. Usually he was wearing a suit and spoke a strange language but still inarguably his father, and Nana was relieved and heartbroken that Tsuna didn’t understand. Not yet._  

_“Sort of. I can’t say much when you’re so young, but just remember that your father loves you and will protect you whether or not he knows about your gift. He works with people that will protect you too, but there are a lot of bad people that will use your gift for evil things. That’s why you can’t tell anyone, sweetheart.”_

_“Okay mama.”_

And so his training began.  

For about a year since their talk, Nana would teach him how to avoid waking sights until he was somewhere private, how to think and breathe through a particularly bad one, how to keep track of them in his journals even if she never read them, what to do to avoid babbling about his sights out loud after touching someone on accident. Most importantly, they tried to figure out the triggers. Nana’s had been sound - whatever thing she heard, a whistle or word or song, it was somehow related to what she saw. Tsuna’s was harder to pin down, but they’d been able to figure out that seeing someone he was familiar with triggered a lighter sight whereas touching someone he knew and cared about would reveal something deeper. Tsuna didn’t really have friends to practice with so they weren’t completely sure, but his mama’s hugs were more than enough to soothe the ache in his heart.

The training helped, lessened his sights to about a few a day and a nightmare or two a week, none very gory except for the ones that involved his father. Those were few and far in between thankfully, and despite it being the only time he saw his father, Tsuna was glad. Along with the passage of time, his sights lightened, became easier to handle when he didn’t see funerals every other day like when he was younger.

However, despite the meditation and control, he’d already begun to be viewed as strange.  

It wasn’t his fault, though. He couldn’t stop himself. He wanted to _help_.  

He’d go up to strangers and attempt to tell them what to avoid, whom to talk to, when to do something, but he had to be careful. If someone was hit by a car, he couldn’t stop that, but if he saw a car coming towards someone and the possibility was there, then he could intervene, and he tried.  

He tried _so hard_ to help, to make this curse a gift.  

Sometimes they listened, sometimes they didn’t. It still left an impression, that he was a strange kid, not quite right and too skittish for his age, too secretive, too… _different_. Those that did listen brushed it off as a strange coincidence and those that didn’t sometimes came back thinking it was a prank or that he was just bad, bad luck. Sometimes if he was caught off guard by a waking sight, he’d be helpless, standing still wherever he was as he watched something life changing for a complete stranger play out in front of him while the world kept spinning.  

_“Hey, look! It’s Freaky-Tsuna.”_

_“More like Space Case-Sawada. Saw him staring at a pole for like five minutes yesterday.”_

_“What a weirdo.”_

_“Look, he’s carrying around that stupid journal again.”_

_“I heard he told a middle school teacher not to drive on the highway two weeks ago and now she’s in the hospital from a really bad wreck. He’s bad luck.”_

_“Maybe he’s evil and doing it on purpose.”_

And Tsuna… Tsuna hated it.  

He hated the sights, hated the way people look at him like he was broken, hated what they said about his mother. He hated the feeling of helplessness as he was dragged until into another sight, hated seeing things other people couldn’t, hated feeling things that left him nauseous or weak or scared or sad or just all-around _miserable_ . He hated the look his mom got when she caught him mid-sight, waking or asleep, hated the guilty, sad shadows that crossed her face and made her smile fade. He hated the nightmares that were so similar to his sights it left him in a cold sweat. No matter how much he tried to help, how much he _did_ help or messed up, it never felt like enough. 

At ten years old, Tsuna was scared of the world and never wanted to wake up.

 

* * *

 

The lunch bell rang and Tsuna heaved a sigh of relief as he quickly gathered his things and trudged his way to the lone, barren sakura tree in the school courtyard as students sneered or jostled him on the way. He found that as long as he was within sight of at least one teacher the bullies tended to leave him alone for the most part.  

A chill swept through him, a little shiver despite the warmth of coming spring, and suddenly-

_“Nezu-sensei, we’d like to offer you a promotion. In a year or so, Namimori Middle School has three faculty members retiring and is looking for an experienced teacher with a degree in-“_

Tsuna groaned as he fell out of the short sight, hand automatically reaching for his journal.

He had a lot of them, dozens filling the unused spaces of the basement at home, but unlike his mothers’ collection from when she was still writing them, his had transitioned from paragraph summaries of his sights to illustrations with hastily scribbled dates and side notes around six months ago. As much as he tried to avoid other people and keep his journals to himself, bullies would always be bullies and he couldn’t risk any of them looking into his things, so he figured they would just see drawings and random words instead of predictions of the future.  

It was hard at first. He wasn’t an artist by any stretch of the imagination, but after a while, he was able to figure out a system. Now his journals just looked like a bunch of strange cartoons with a few recurring characters, mainly his mother, less his father, and even less but still strangely present, the ‘grandfather’ he’d met nearly five years ago.

Tsuna cried out when the journal was abruptly ripped from his hands.

“Hey, Dame-Tsuna! What’re you scribbling about now? About how much of a loser you are?” Bully Number One said obnoxiously, him and his two other friends laughing like it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard.  

“Give it back!” Tsuna demanded weakly, standing up with clenched fists. He couldn’t do more than bite his lip at their sneers.   

Bully Number Two snorted, ”Why? You gonna cry, huh? Crybaby, crybaby!”

“Haha, yeah, weirdo-Tsuna! Gonna give us bad luck?”

“It’s already bad luck having you in school!”

"You should just leave and stop making our class dumber!"

"Yeah, and take your weird bad luck with you."

Before Tsuna could shout for a teacher or give in and cry, Bully Number Two and Three were crumpling to the ground while Bully Number One dropped the journal and ran like the devil was on his heels with a strangled cry. The brunet blinked, stunned, before looking up and meeting the steel grey eyes of Namimori Elementary’s very own self-appointed disciplinary figure, a legend he’d ever only seen from far away.

_Hibari, older and wilder, wearing a suit and smirk that fit too well. “Sawada Tsunayoshi.”_

_The murmur of his name was like a shock to his system, jolting him where he stood. Words floated by, none that he could grasp, as his eyes stayed locked with a predators, trapped with nowhere to go, nowhere to run. Power like nothing else flooded him, flowing from what felt like a deep well inside him and beautiful, crystalline fire danced at his fingertips. It terrified him. He didn’t want this._  

_“You seem a little more like the you I know…”_

_What? What did that mean?_  

_“This fight has no rules. Your only choices are my defeat or your death.”_

_No. Please, stop. STOP._

_He didn’t want this. He didn’t want this. He didn’t–_

Tsuna blinked and the sight was gone, leaving him trembling from the force of it with an impassive thirteen-year old but still dangerous Hibari Kyoya standing before him. The older boy didn't even twitch at his odd behavior and didn't make a move to discipline him like he did the other boys.

“Herbivore. Don’t disrupt the peace again.”

The boy was gone before Tsuna could utter a sound or simple 'thank you'.  

With unsteady, mechanical movements, Tsuna picked up his journal and various belongings and completely bypassed his classroom, knowing he wouldn't be able to face his peers. He walked into the nurses office instead, the nurse not even glancing up from one of her reports due to his regular visits, and Tsuna settled into the sickbed farthest away from the door or any prying eyes. Quietly, he opened his notebook and drew a bird soaring among distant clouds and tried not to cry.

 _This is important,_ Tsuna thought numbly, _this is important_ , _this is important, this is important–_

And for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why.  

 

* * *

 

After that, his sights began including Hibari more and more. Once a day now versus maybe-once-every-few-weeks since he didn't see Hibari often. None were as staggering and painful as the first one, not as intense or filled with confusing words or as utterly terrifying, and Tsuna thanked the heavens for that, but… the less important ones were just as strange.

Hibari drinking tea.  

Hibari with small animals.  

Hibari quietly reading in the Disciplinary room.  

Hibari fighting against faceless opponents and always winning (except when he didn't).

It was like Tsuna had all this access to one person's life that he hadn’t had before aside from his mother and he wondered why Hibari of all people was able to elicit those kinds of sights, but ultimately, his fear and respect for the older boy kept him from looking further into it or digging around. He was scared, too, frightened at the intimacy of it. He doubted Hibari even knew his _name_ while Tsuna knew he lived alone in his parents large, traditional Japanese house and liked to take naps on the school roof on quiet days. That he watched the clouds roam free even as he was chained to his self-proclaimed post as protector of Namimori. 

_(he barely remembered a time when he didn’t know who Hibari was, all stoic silence and keeper of peace – he barely remembered that Hibari had a family, and he was willing to bet Hibari did too)_  

He never saw Hibari in any danger outside of his fights, though, no accidents he could warn the boy about, so he steered clear and never said good morning or hello even during the rare occasions when it could be returned with a curt nod instead of indifference. He didn't interfere with Hibari's life like he did with others and Hibari never bothered to interfere with his.

So Tsuna adapted, learned to live with the new information, and never said a word.  

Until.

_“Think you can beat up my little brother and get away with it? Looks like we gotta teach you a lesson, kid.”_

_A crackle of electricity._

_“Time for you to go to sleep.”_

Not even three weeks later, Tsuna woke from a violent sight that had him clutching at his sheets, small limbs practically vibrating with adrenaline and nausea.  

_Hibaria-san’s in trouble, he’s going to get hurt, he doesn’t know, he–_

He stopped the thought from forming before his sight came back to haunt him with more images of Hibari being attacked – getting jumped by ten high school students who knew his reputation and armed themselves accordingly, were actually somewhat sickeningly smart and _prepared_ to take down a middle schooler. Horror and worry twisted his insides. 

_What do I do? Should I tell Hibari-san? But what if he just thinks I’m crazy and beats me up? Hiiieee, what do I do?_

It was nice knowing there was one person who didn’t see him as crazy. Couldn’t think someone was crazy without actually thinking about them right? It was a sad thought but Tsuna still didn’t want to lose that. But while he knew he could be selfish, this wasn’t something Tsuna could justify staying quiet about. Hibari’s safety was more important than their silent tolerance of each other.  

Well, Hibari silently tolerating him while Tsuna tried not to cause too much of a ruckus. The point still stood that Tsuna didn’t want to lose what little lenience Hibari had bestowed on him since saving him from those bullies nearly a month ago.  

After a moment, a thought struck him.

 

* * *

 

“U-Um, Kusakabe-san, do you know where H-Hibari-san might be?” Tsuna cringed at how weak his own voice was but, thankfully, Kusakabe Tetsuya wasn’t known for being cruel.  

The intimidating teen watched him in quiet contemplation for a moment before slowly replying, “Kyo-san is patrolling right now.” An eyebrow lifted in vague curiosity. “Is there a particular reason why you are looking for him?”

Tsuna’s hands twisted in his uniform nervously, “Um, I just…please tell him to be c-careful? Especially around the high school blocks? There might, um, be some s-students that don’t like him a-and might try something s-soon.” Both eyebrows raised this time, expression becoming slightly more severe. Tsuna didn’t realize until right then that his friendly warning sounded more like a poorly veiled threat. He panicked, arms flailing, “I-I mean- Hibari-san is strong but there might be some people th-that don’t, um, like him? And might try to hurt him? I just w-wanted to make sure Hibari-san will be okay…”

Another long, silent moment passed before something kind lightened Kusakabe’s expression, tone much more amiable this time as he dipped his head in acquiescence, “Kyo-san doesn’t like his abilities being questioned…but I will let him know to tread lightly in the future. Thank you for your concern, Sawada-san.”

Tsuna blinked before brightening, “Thank you, Kusakabe-san!”  

He turned to leave for class but before he turned down a different hallway, Tsuna looked back to see Kusakabe’s eyes following him thoughtfully.  

“U-Um…Kusakabe-san, please stay safe too!” Face burning from embarrassment, Tsuna spun right back around and ran down the hallway, missing the look of surprise transform into warm amusement on Kusakabe’s face.  

Three days later, whispers ran rampant throughout Namimori Middle School about a gang of high school students who tried to take down Hibari with unlicensed tasers and a can of illegally acquired tear gas, but even that was no match for their Disciplinarian. Hibari’s legendary reputation grew and spread from Namimori’s school district into others, his name whispered like a guardian between students of his school and hissed like a demons by delinquents and small time yakuza.  

Relief expanded in Tsuna’s chest and he didn’t realize he was grinning until he caught Sasagawa Kyoko looking at him curiously.  

It was the first night in a long time that he didn’t have nightmares.  


	2. Chapter 2

After warning Kusakabe about the threat and hearing of Hibari’s victory, Tsuna was determined to go back to being the quiet, weird kid with too much bad luck. After all, he hadn’t had any more terrible sights like that, and after being cornered with an unreadable look by a silent Hibari just days after the showdown, Tsuna was determined to slink back into the shadows.  

That changed when a different bully outside of the Idiot Trio decided to mess with him during class two months later, jeering at him while the teacher stepped out to talk to another down the hall.  

Tsuna did his best to ignore them because this happened almost daily, tried to stave off a sight in the middle of class – probably something meaningless yet just as distracting – but it was hard when no one did anything to stop them.  

That was, until the new girl Sasagawa Kyoko came back from the bathroom. 

_ (honey-gold hair and eyes like sunlight, Tsuna could see himself falling for her in another life, one where he didn’t know what she looked like wracked with grief or the knowledge he was the cause of those overflowing tears) _

It took her less than a minute to notice what was happening even with the class scattered to talk to their friends while the teacher was still gone, and with all the stern righteousness a kind, good elementary school girl could muster, marched up to him with purpose. The bully, not terribly excited to receive a lecture from the school’s angel – or a bruised shin from said angels new demonic best friend, one Kurokawa Hana, who hovered menacingly in the background – fled, leaving Tsuna’s battered journal on the floor from where his foot had been crushing it. 

Before Tsuna could unfreeze and make a grab for it, Kyoko was already there, gingerly picking it off the ground and holding it out to him like a peace offering with a bright smile. “Here you go, Sawada-kun!” 

Tsuna was too relieved and thankful to do much but meekly take it back, fingers brushing against hers and falling headlong into another si– 

_ Kyoko’s face was light up with the sunset, a soft orange glow casting soft shadows across the smooth planes of her face. _

_ Her hair nearly brushed her shoulders and she looked older, felt older, despite probably not even being in high school. She didn’t say a word, hardly looked at him, and sometimes her gaze drifted to the horizon as she listened to him speak, his voice a distant hum in the background. Despite the perfect setting, she looked sad and the dying light only made the tears in her eyes shine. _

_ She looked beautiful and out of reach, hazy like a dream, like she could disappear at any moment.  _

He blinked and Kyoko’s young, worried eyes were looking back at him, her childish face round and rosy with still-small hands holding his notebook. He quickly jerked back, journal in hand, and stammered a quick, “Th-thank you,” before scurrying out of his seat and running to the bathroom. Whispers followed him out the door along with Kyoko’s questioning “Sawada-kun?” but he didn’t stop until he was safely locked inside a stall and mindlessly scribbling another image onto a fresh page. 

The feeling of heartache in that sight was enough to make his eyes tear up, the intensity almost choking and unlike any of his sights before besides the one with Hibari two months prior, but he just bit his lip and kept going.  

_ This is important, this is important _ ,  _ this is important, don’t forget, don’t forget, dont- _ something inside him rasped desperately, just like last time, hands shaking unsteadily as he drew and drew and drew until school was over, until he was left all alone, until the crawling under his skin faded.  

“What’s happening to me?” he whispered.  

No one answered.

 

* * *

 

_ “Mama, are sights like visions? I saw a lady on tv that said she saw the future and stuff.” _

_ “Sort of, sweetheart. Sights are a little different. You only see people you know, right? Classmates and neighbors and anyone you talk to, right?” _

_ “I think so.” _

_ “Well, that’s because the sights are showing you things that are very important to other people, things that are life-changing, but only because when you saw or touched them, you formed a connection. Most of the time, the connection is weak and you’ll only have a few sights of them. Stronger connections often form before you realize it.” _

_ “Oh! Okay, I think. But what about mama and papa? I see mama cooking breakfast all the time even when I’m asleep! And I see papa on a plane sometimes or a really big office but I’ve never been to his work before. Are those important to mama and papa?” _

_ “That’s because mama and papa are very important to you and your sights show you parts of our lives you may never see now because we have a very strong connection. When you’re older, you’ll have more sights like those with different people, and someday you might have sights of people you’ve never met. These kind of sights only happen when you meet someone that will change  _ your _ life.” _

_ “I don’t really get it…” _

_ “Ah, you will one day, Tsu-kun. That’s how I knew your father was the one for me, after all…” _

 

* * *

 

“Here you go, the salmon special! Enjoy!” 

Tsuna’s mother thanked the sushi chef with a bright smile, receiving a wide, friendly one in return before he went back around the counter. His mother turned to him, beaming. “Eat up Tsu-kun! It’s your favorite. I have your favorite dessert at home too, and gifts!” She sighed nostalgically, “My little boy’s growing up so fast. To think, you’re already twelve years old!” 

Tsuna’s face burned red but stuffed a piece of sushi in his mouth to hide his grin. “ _ Kaa-san. _ It’s not a big deal.” 

“Birthdays are always important, sweetheart!” Nana insisted, enjoying her own piece of sushi. 

“Did I hear birthday?” the sushi chef suddenly called. 

Nana giggled, “You heard right Tsuyoshi-san. My little Tsuna is a big boy now! Twelve years old and almost in middle school!” 

“ _ Kaa-san!” _

The chef, Tsuyoshi, chuckled and wiped his knife on his apron. “I know what you mean, Sawada-san. My boy Takeshi is the same age as Tsuna-kun there. They grow up so fast, don’t they? Oi, Takeshi! Bring out a cake!” 

Tsuna could barely hear the affirmative from the back of the restaurant, too busy trying to bury his face in the food. This was so  _ embarrassing _ . And he had to face one of the most popular kids in his class outside of school. Granted, it was Yamamoto Takeshi, one of the nicest kids of the bunch, all bright grins and infectious laughs. He never made fun of Tsuna that he could remember, but never went out of his way to stop it either, wrapped up in his own bubble of baseball and friends and popularity, but Tsuna didn't fault him for that and was just glad the other boy was genuinely kind.  

_ (Tsuna didn’t want to know what Yamamoto Takeshi looked like with blood dripping down his cheek, didn’t want to know what could silence that laughter, didn’t want to know that it took too much and too little to wipe that smile from his face forever _ \-  _ but he did) _

A boy older than him by a few months came out, a few inches taller already and holding a generic but festive birthday cake, small and round with three candles burning on top – enough for a small family out celebrating.  

Takeshi’s smile was wide and bright, and Nana all but cooed over the boy as he dropped the cake off with a cheery, “Happy Birthday!” but all Tsuna could see was –  

_ A shinai made of wood transforming into a sword of steel.  _

_ "Master of the Shigure Souen Ryu." _

_ A blade, sharp and long, sliding through the water like a snake, quick and dangerous like the person wielding it.  _

_ "A natural born hitman." _

_ Waterfalls fell around him and he danced on the surface like it was solid ground. Flashes of light, clangs of metal striking each other, it all made his heartbeat ratchet up and palms sweat. Blood and water sprayed in the air and he was helpless to stop it. _

_ "The Guardian of–" _

Nana noticed when he came back from his sight right away, asking questions to draw attention from Tsuna’s sudden trip elsewhere. If Tsuna had been older, more observant, paid more attention, he would’ve noticed Tsuyoshi’s sharpening gaze. He didn’t.  

They went home soon after and Nana held her son as he cried. 


	3. Chapter 3

This was getting ridiculous. 

Tsuna sighed tiredly as he sat up in bed, head aching from lack of sleep and his most recent sight. It was only three in the morning and he had class in a few hours, but no matter how much he tossed and turned, he couldn’t get back to sleep. 

After the sight he’d just had, he didn’t know if he wanted to. 

_ BOOM BOOM BOOM! _

_ Explosions rocked the ground beneath his feet like a man made earthquake, but that was nothing compared to the person who’d caused them –  _

_ Loyalty unlike anything he ever thought he’d one day deserve greeted him in the form of a welcoming grin and a “Good morning Juu-” –  _

_ Smoke filled his lungs and fear filled his heart at the sight of him, covered in burns and cuts, and he knew he was unworthy of such undying devotion – _

Tsuna didn’t know what it was like to have a friend, let alone a  _ best  _ friend.  

Someone that would understand him better than anyone, who would listen to his troubles and someone that would trust in him with their fears in return. Who would always be by his side, through thick and thin and everything in between. Someone who would make him a better person and someone he would make better. Best friends weren't supposed to be scary, right? Or violent or dangerous or anything like what Tsuna had seen in movies and tv shows, right?

Best friends and friendships weren't supposed to be like fireworks – bright and loud and beautiful and dangerous and fleeting.  

But maybe, he thought – imagining intelligent green eyes and sharp retorts, encouraging smiles and endless support, days filled with explosions and tears, danger and laughter, and comparing that to his quiet nights and lonely silences – maybe having a best friend like that would be nice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPER SHORT but I'm about two-thirds of the way through with what was supposed to be the real chapter 3.


	4. Chapter 4

Tsuna meets Sasagawa Kyoko’s older brother for the first time just one month shy of graduating elementary school. 

They don’t actually meet, though. That day, he hears a loud voice near the entrance to the school and when he peeks out of the window of the classroom, he sees Kyoko and Hana greeting an exuberant looking older boy. Hana looks vaguely annoyed by the volume but Kyoko’s smile is practically glowing, and Tsuna already knows the energetic middle schooler is her older brother from the few sights he’s had of them together. Sometimes she looks worried or fretful, but most of the time he makes her laugh and for that Tsuna is grateful. 

After that first encounter with Kyoko, Tsuna hadn’t been able to shake off the feeling of guilt that plagued him whenever he saw her and he ran away whenever she made an attempt to approach. 

He didn’t know what he’d do if he had another sight like the first one, can’t imagine recovering from a second sight so gut wrenching in less than a week. As a result he hadn’t been able to thank her for sticking up for him and while he didn’t like the fact he’d lost whatever smidgen of respect Hana had for him as a fellow student in Namimori, the distance in Kyoko’s gaze hurt far worse. How could he miss a familiarity they never shared?

The second time was different, however. That night, Tsuna closes his eyes and instead of the darkness behind his lids, he feels like he’s blinded by the shining light that eclipses everything else. It disappears in the form of a setting sun, leaving behind the imprint of a crying Kyoko and her brother, surrounded and in danger. He clutches his sheets and his stomach twists. 

_ “Stay behind me Kyoko!” _

_ “Aw look at that, he loves his little sister.” _

_ “Leave her alone!” _

_ “Oniichan!” _

He doesn’t see much else but by the pounding of his heart, he  _ knows _ , just like he knew with Hibari, that he can’t stay silent.

The next day at school is spent trying to approach Kyoko to warn her since he has no real way of contacting her brother since he’s already a big kid in a different school, but his attempts are either rebuffed by bullies or teachers or Hana or his own nerves because what is he supposed to say once they’re alone? How does he explain avoiding her up until now? What if it comes out like a threat like with Kusakabe? He doesn’t want to scare her, but he doesn’t want to see her or her brother hurt.

In the end, all he manages to do is start a new string of rumors about his ultimately fatalistic crush on the sweetest girl in their class. 

He finally gets a chance a few days after the worst of the rumors have settled into undisputed fact among the student body of Namimori Elementary that he’s in love with Sasagawa Kyoko. It’s lunch time and Hana is talking to a teacher about something, leaving Kyoko alone in the back corner of the classroom. Tsuna works up his small reserve of courage and makes his way towards her, journal clutched in his hands and trying not to turn into a puddle of nerves, and wonders in the back of his mind why she looks so lonely when everyone wants to be her friend.

Unfortunately, he trips over air and stumbles into someone who manages to catch his fall with a “Whoa!” and carefree laugh, and Tsuna’s blood freezes in his veins when he looks up to see empty brown eyes. 

“S-sorry, Yamamoto-san!” he squeaks.

Yamamoto cracks a grin but it’s so brittle Tsuna can practically see the edges of it breaking across his skin. “It’s no problem! And just call me Yamamoto, Yamamoto-san is my dad.”

Tsuna nods rapidly, vaguely remembers just days after his birthday when Yamamoto had been gone from class for an entire week to mourn (and it takes so much longer than that, to say goodbye to a mother and wife, a woman who brought her son into this world with her laugh and her husband’s smile; Tsuna knows numbness and despair as a passing acquaintance and it kills something in him that now whenever he thinks of those things, he thinks of Yamamoto), and scuttles passed with guilt heavy in his lungs. Whatever leftover adrenaline rushing through him from that terrifying encounter with the boy wearing Yamamoto’s face pushes him through the final few yards to reach Kyoko’s desk.

She blinks at him curiously and he blurts, “Thankyouforhelpingmebefore!”

It’s not long before she tilts her head sweetly with an accompanying smile and, “You’re welcome Sawada-kun.”

His face explodes into various shades of red but the vice around his heart doesn’t loosen it’s hold. It just gets tighter, tight enough to make him choke on his warning and carefully chosen words, and before he can get his breath back the teacher is clearing his throat and looking pointedly at him.

He feels like he’s vibrating out of his skin when he slinks back to his desk, for once ignorant to the snickers pressing in on him because something strange, something  _ different _ is making his blood sing.

_ Today, _  he thinks resolutely,  _ it’s today. _

 

* * *

 

That feeling of certainty is carried with him throughout the day and pushes him to ignore the guilt stinging in his chest at not immediately going home where his mom is waiting with an afternoon snack before dinner. And if he doesn’t let himself think of another boy who no longer has that to go back to, no one but him has to know of the spear of grief that spikes through his chest.

Instead he pushes through throngs of other kids, trying desperately to catch a glimpse of honey-gold hair in the crowd, and insead hears a loud, enthusiastic shout just outside the gates. 

_ Sasagawa Ryohei. _

Tsuna doesn’t know why he draws such strength from that bright grin or boisterous voice, but he knows that losing those things would devastate Kyoko and, for some reason, him.

He’s waylaid by a few meaner kids before he can track down the two siblings, and he’s almost frustrated enough to shout because these kids are just  _ kids  _ ( _ so what am I?  _ something whispers) with trouble in their own lives - and older brother who’s gotten into a bad crowd, an absentee mother, a dying cousin close enough to be considered a sibling - but it doesn’t tamp down the growing restlessness in him.

In the end, they do nothing but taunt him and cost him precious minutes. By the time they finally leave, Kyoko and her brother are nowhere to be seen. 

_ What do I do? What do I do? _ He thinks frantically, heart and mind racing.

He blinks and sees a flash of violet fire.

_ I know what to do. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not super long but BOY was it a struggle getting through this chapter. Anyway, thanks for all the support and interest! I may not be updating a lot but I'm definitely still working on bits and pieces here and there :)

**Author's Note:**

> Still alive and kicking! If the fic doesn't have a HIATUS on it then I'm still working on it, but it's been a while since I've posted and this has been sitting in one of my folders for a good year now. Unfinished but more to come!


End file.
